The Obvious Yet Unknown Advice on Chivalry & Dating

A few weeks ago, the youth ministry organization Life Teen published an article on the subject of dating. The author was giving advice to guys about how to get back into the world of dating, though it also sufficed as advice on how to establish a dating relationship. I saw it pop up on a couple of Facebook walls being praised for its advice on how to ask a girl out and keeping the relationship rooted in prayer, among other things.

My thoughts were more like: "No duh!!!! How do guys not get this already? Do we really need to state the obvious here?"

Then, a little while later, there was another popular article from a blogger who focuses on dating and relationships. The article was about acts of chivalry that need to be brought back into society. It involved things like opening doors, giving up seats, and complimenting a woman on a date.

Again, my thoughts immediately went to: "Seriously?!!!!! This is common sense stuff. Why do we need to reiterate this?"

Then I began to realize that I had a closed-off view of things upon my initial readings of the articles. I was judging these articles based on my thought process now as a recent college graduate. I have been influenced by things like the Art of Manliness blog site and the book 'Wild at Heart' for a couple of years. I had learned from my friend's relationships, their successes and their failures, before I was in a very maturing dating relationship of my own where I was still learning things, but at least I understood what being a gentleman was supposed to be. Even in high school, where I wasn't going on very many dates, I knew what it meant to be a gentleman because that's what I learned while I was growing up. And it was in that thought process that I saw my mistake.

These articles aren't necessarily for me. These articles are targeting high school kids who are still learning what true dating is. They are targeting young adults and college graduates who still haven't done too much growing up. At least that's how I view the situation.

This kind of information may be common sense to me, but it may not be so obvious to other young men. Other guys may not have been raised up the same way I was and may not have figured out what the true purpose of dating is or how chivalry isn't really dead. On Reach, I have the chance to interact with a variety of teen guys. I can see these articles being very informative and provide new information for some of the guys I meet. Especially the guys who are very street-wise and heavily influenced by pop culture. However, why should this be new information for these teens?

Why does our pop culture not promote a lifestyle where guys hold doors open and give up their seats for women and the elderly and are bold enough to ask a girl out on a date face-to-face without fearing the possibility of rejection? Why does our society present for the teens a heavy focus on the physical and emotional highlights of a dating relationship without digging deep into the true purpose of dating (marriage) and the real struggles that they will face in their relationships?

Back to these blog articles. Are the intentions of these blogs and articles that give dating advice good? Yes, they are. Are they the most helpful blogs and articles when it comes to this topic? Well, that requires a subjective answer. For me, I would say if any man needed articles to seek advice about dating, I would recommend the Art of Manliness site. The writers are bold enough to call men out on not being as masculine as they should be while providing good information that focuses on all areas of a man's life. I believe that dating and relationships will improve for a man if he focuses first on figuring out what areas of of his life he needs to work on. A man should first learn what it means to be a man before figuring out how to improve his dating life and his search for a wife. Even I'm still learning in my own journey what it means to be a man.

Below I have links to the articles I've been mentioning throughout this post if you'd like to fully understand what I've been referring to. I recommend you check out more of the Art of Manliness site if you have never heard of it or checked it out before. My hope is that all of the articles and websites below do reach out to guys that need to see writers promoting a chivalrous, masculine lifestyle.

Links:

http://lifeteen.com/getting-back-game-advice-dating/

http://jamesmsama.wordpress.com/2014/02/01/8-acts-of-chivalry-to-bring-back/

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/01/16/stop-hanging-out-with-women-and-start-dating-them/