The way I would define "conversion" is: The choice of saying Yes to God and growing in a deep, personal relationship with Him. This is how I define it for the teens and youth whenever I share my conversion story with them. It does not matter whether someone is brand new to Catholicism or if they have been raised in the Church their whole life, at some point when that person has a conversion, it drastically affects the way they live and the way they approach their relationship with God.
Pre-Conversion
Like I said, I grew up going to a Catholic Church for as long as I can remember. One of my parents was raised Catholic and the other wasn't, but they still brought my brother and I up in the Church as best as they could. I grew up in an interesting system where, on one Sunday, I would go to Mass and then the next Sunday, my brother would go to Mass while I stayed home, and then we would switch back and forth every other Sunday of either going to Mass or staying at home. At the time, I felt like it was a win-win situation cause I would either get to sit at home and watch TV or I could expect to get a doughnut and a soda on the way home from Mass.
I was baptized in the Catholic Church as a baby. I went to Catholic grade school from Kindergarten until 5th grade, during which I first experienced the Sacraments of Eucharist and Reconciliation. I was Confirmed in the Catholic Church during 8th grade, after I began attending public school for a couple of years. However, none of these moments when I received the Sacraments were a big deal to me.
Even with this educational background and a somewhat regular Mass attendance (where I was hardly what you would call "focused" during Mass), I had a weak faith life. I was not taking action outside of Mass or grade school to grow in my faith. I did not read the Bible outside of Mass or Sacramental prep. I was lucky enough that we had an Advent wreath that we would pray around before Christmas time, but that was the extent of my more spiritual prayers. If I was ever praying outside of those moments, it was usually asking God for things that I desired.
Perhaps this kind of situation may be familiar to you: I would spend my mornings in the shower getting ready for school. I would start to have deep, philosophical thoughts during my morning routine. And there, in the middle of showering, I would make the sign of the cross and say "God, please make Jane Doe my girlfriend" or "God, please let me get an A on this test". That was really the extent of my prayer life during this time period.
After Confirmation, my parents decided that it was now up to me to figure out whether I wanted to continue being a Catholic or if I wanted to do something else (guess it must have been because I was at the age of reason or something). So, during high school, I began to focus on other things since I wasn't forced to go to Church anymore. My biggest focus was getting a girlfriend. A part of the reason why I got involved in the world of theatre in high school was because I noticed a bunch of attractive girls were involved in the department and so I figured I could increase my chances of getting a date by joining up (the results of which should be saved for another post).
Also during this time, I gained my first job: working at McDonalds. I'm not ashamed to admit I worked there for a long time, I learned so much and grew as an individual from my time there. However, I figured it was a smart decision to work at Mickey Ds on Sunday mornings rather than go to Mass because my other focus during high school was money, getting more money to buy more things for myself. I figured being at a place I didn't enjoy being at, getting annoyed with customers, and overall just struggling through several hours of work was a better decision than just sitting through one hour of Mass because I was focused on the paycheck. Looking back, I realize I was making the wrong decision.
So, I really didn't have much of a plan or a purpose in my life.
Conversion Time Period
The thing that turned my life around during this time was at the end of my high school career and being asked by my cousin Irene and her husband Rob to be the godfather of their first child, their son J.D. (which stands for James Douglas). At J.D.'s Baptism, I had a moment where I began to realize the responsibility that I was taking on. I was not only being partially responsible for raising this child to be a good person, but I was also responsible for helping to raise this child in the Catholic faith. This meant that I needed to take on more responsibility for my own faith in order to fulfill my role as a godfather.
So, when I went to college, I quickly found Catholic Campus Ministry. Of my own free will, I began to attend Mass on a more regular basis and I joined up Bible Study which was led by the FOCUS missionaries on campus. However, these things were still more to-do list items than priorities that truly mattered to me. However, it was enough to get me to go on my first college spiritual retreat the fall of my sophomore year.
During that retreat, I was in the chapel and looked up at the crucifix. As I saw the wooden representation of Jesus hung up on the cross, I began to contemplate this idea.
Jesus died to save everybody, He suffered for all of us.
However, at the same time, He especially suffered and died for me in
particular. If He did that for me, then that must mean that He has some sort of
relationship with me, which therefore means that I have a relationship with
Him. Yet, I did not understand that relationship at all.
After that retreat, everything that had been part of my to-do
list spiritually became priorities in my life. I went to Mass on a
more regular basis and even started going to Mass as a daily occurrence. I
became more invested in Bible Study and eventually went to lead a small Bible
Study of my own. I began to develop a regular prayer life, going to the chapel
to pray as often as I could. All in an effort to better understand my
relationship with God.
Post-Conversion Life
All of this happened over a periods of months, even years.
My conversion story was not something that happened overnight after hitting
rock bottom. I recognize that I have been lucky and have taken my faith and my
relationship with God for granted for a long time. In fact, when I was applying
to FOCUS and Reach during my last year of college, I had a hard time piecing
together my conversion story in order to give a testimony. I felt like my life
did not have enough drama and that my change of heart was not drastic enough to
be interesting to ministry staff or to people that they ministered to.
Here’s what I have learned over time and shared with people
over this past year or so: A conversion does not have to mean that someone
became a Catholic after being some other denomination beforehand. A conversion
is a change of heart and it needs to happen for all of us, whether we are brand
new to the faith or we have been raised as cradle Catholics (born and raised in
the Church). A conversion does not have to be a lightning-flash moment after
hitting rock bottom. It can take a long period of time. A conversion is important,
however, because it helps us build our relationship with God. Not that God has
to grow closer to us, but we have to take those steps to grow closer to Him.
By growing closer to God, we better understand the purpose
that He made us for and are better able to fulfill His will for our lives. By
following God’s plan, we find a lasting joy, an eternal happiness, rather than
the temporary pleasure that comes from seeking other things whether it’s money
or sex or whatever else it may be.
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