Worry & Trust: The Struggle For Control

I've heard it said multiple times that the number one biggest fear that majority of people have is PUBLIC SPEAKING. Which seems like a strange idea on the surface. I would think there's other things that we as a people should more rationally fear. Blizzards, tornadoes, poisonous snakes, poisonous spiders, falling to death, starvation, thirst, drowning, pretty much anything to do with the dangers of the natural world.

The thing we should fear most from nature is the Honey Badger

Yet, maybe people in our society fear public speaking so much because it is something that occurs more often in our daily life. I can assume that within the next week, I will much more likely have to give a speech in front of teens than I will have to jump out of an airplane.

Though there is the chance I may have to do both at once

However, the question still remains, why is this our biggest fear? Why do we care so much about whether we succeed or screw up at our speech? Why should we care whether people will judge us or praise us if we deliver the speech well or if we totally bomb it?

The problem is that we really do care if we deliver a speech perfectly. We do care what people think of our speaking abilities. We want a speech to go well whether it's because we want praise and admiration or if we want our hard work and practice to be worth it or if we just want to avoid awkwardness that comes from flubbing our lines. I'll admit, these are all reasons why I want my talks to succeed. Yet, every time that I am about to stand in front of a group of teens, every time I wait in the wings to walk on stage, every time I step forward to read the Liturgy of the Word at Mass, I can feel the adrenaline rushing inside of me because of how nervous I am.

Either that, or the butterflies in my stomach are on steroids

I get nervous often because I worry. I am worried that things will go terribly wrong. I am worried that I will forget what I am supposed to say. I am worried that I will say the wrong words or that I do not pronounce words properly. I am worried that I will speak heresy or inaccurate information. I am worried that I will look like a fool. I am worried about what the people sitting those chairs are thinking about me. I am worried that I am not perfect.

As you might be able to tell, whenever I worry about something, it's because I am focused on the negative. I think that's how a lot of people work mentally when they are preparing themselves for something like public speaking or planning an event. They think about all of the things that can go wrong and get so worked up about the possible negatives that they worry that nothing will go right.

Which is the opposite of Nic Cage's mentality about his acting abilities

Another thing I have noticed is that the things that I worry about are often the things that I cannot control. That lack of control is usually what gets me so worked up. I cannot control the audience to make them pay attention. I cannot control whether the audience will think it is a good or a bad speech. I cannot control whether the room has bad acoustics or if there is no microphone for me to use. All I can control is my voice, my preparation for and memorization of the speech, and my awareness of what is happening in the room during my speech.

I feel like the opposite of worry when it comes to the idea of control is trust. If I trusted everything to go better whenever I gave a speech, I would not worry so much beforehand. The more I could control a situation, the more I could trust myself and the situation for a good outcome. However, this whole issue (worry, trust, and control) also has to do with my relationship with God.

Before I began to really work on my relationship with God and grow closer to Him, I focused on controlling what was happening in my life. I got to choose the classes I wanted, I got to go wherever I wanted to, I would buy whatever I wanted to buy, and everything about my life was focused on me. I would worry about what was going to happen in my life and if something went horribly wrong (a girl didn't want to go on a date with me, I get a poor grade on a test, my clothes don't match for some important event, etc.) then I would turn into a big worry-wart and lose trust in myself and my abilities.

As I have grown in my faith and brought myself closer to God through increased prayer and time with the Sacraments, I have come to realize several important things.

#1: My life is not about me. It's not about everything going right for me. It's about helping other people and sharing everything that I have with those in need.

#2: Not everything is meant to go "right". My idea of what is right is not necessarily God's idea of what is right. Everything happens according to God's plan, not my own, and therefore if something happens in an awkward or rough way, then I have to realize that there was a purpose for things happening that way.

#3: I have to trust God more. Since He has the perfect plan for my life and He knows what is going to make me happiest, I have to trust Him to guide me along the way, provide me with the experiences and information I need to grow, and lead me to where He needs me to go.

#4: Worry does not add anything to God's plan, it only makes the situation more challenging for me. If I trusted God more, I would not worry like I do because I would realize that the situation is under His control and He will guide the situation as it needs to happen.

#5: God makes good things happen even in the tough times. I may think I totally bombed a speech, but a teen may have received an important message through the speech anyway. A priest may feel like he delivered the worst homily ever, but a member of the congregation may have had a change of heart because of something that the priest said.

Every day is a struggle for me to fully accept this realization. Every day I work on trusting God more and worrying less. If I approach situations where I prepare the best I can and realize that things are not in my control in that moment, then God will take care of the rest.

Recently I shared my struggle with stress and worry and trust with an acquaintance that I knew could relate and give me some advice. They said several great things to me, but one phrase that sticks out to me the most is this: "In a way, it's good that you are concerned and worry so much because it shows that you care whether things go well or not." I really do care. I really do want retreats to go well. I really do want the youth to have a great experience which brings them closer to God. I really do want everything to work out well to show that there was energy and time and effort put in to this retreat. I really do want our contacts to feel like they made a good investment in Reach Youth Ministry and I really do want the teens to know what my faith journey has been like so I can help them in some way.

Does that mean that everything has to be perfect? No. Does that mean that I should worry about how the retreat goes or how my talk is received? No, not if I truly prepare for it. Again, this all points back to God, whom I should trust to control the situation the way that He wants it to go.

I want to leave you with a quote by St. Padre Pio.

"Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer."