Masculine Journey: What's the Next Step?

This past weekend, I was assisting in breaking down the stage set-up for the Catholic Youth Coalition (CYC) Convention in Helena. In my hurry to be helpful I volunteered myself for a job involving tools. I was asked to use a socket wrench and crescent wrench to take off a few nuts and bolts. It sounded easy enough, but I have only used those tools a few times in my life, and not on a regular enough basis to remember how to properly use them. After 15 minutes of getting nowhere, I knew that I needed to ask for help.

That's the part that hurts. I'm 23 years old, I should be able to just be given instruction and go from there without any guidance. But I knew that I had to admit that I had no clue what I was doing. The guy who gave me the tools was kind enough to demonstrate what to do on one of the bolts. My teammate Alec came over to assist me and in 5 minutes the job was done.

In my post on stories, I mentioned how being so focused on media leads to a lack of productivity in other areas of life. I think that is most definitely true in my case. I have spent so much time on the computer, watching stuff on TV, and playing videogames that I have not been able to increase my skills in other areas. Instead of being on the computer, maybe I should have been practicing how to use different tools. Instead of watching TV, maybe I should been practicing my ability to speak Spanish in order to become more fluent. Instead of playing videogames, maybe I should have been practicing on the guitar more so I am better able to play bar chords and write my own songs.

All of this relates to my masculine journey. As I have grown as an adult over the past several years, I have been trying to figure out what does it mean to be a man. Does it mean that I have to be a superstar athlete who spends every free moment in the gym? Does it mean I have to be a lumberjack and sporting a beard while living in the woods? Does it mean I have to be a savvy business man who wears suits every day? In a sense, none of these are the answer and yet aspects of each are the answer.

I may not have to be a superstar athlete, but I should enjoy playing sports and spending time with my friends and with retreatants playing soccer, ultimate frisbee, basketball, baseball, etc. I may not have to be a lumberjack, but I should enjoy being out in the wilderness and learn how to survive in the wild. I may not have to be a business man, but I should know how to communicate with people, get a job done, and enjoy dressing up in a classy suit every now and then.

It's moments like this past weekend when I stop and I ask myself "What am I doing with my time?". While taking down the stage, I saw guys who knew how to operate all sorts of tools and equipment with efficiency and precision that I had no clue about. Over the weekend, I saw the band playing their instruments with great skill because of the practice they had put into understanding how to use those instruments. During the dance on Saturday night, there were people swing-dancing and doing all sorts of crazy spins that made it look super easy because of how much effort they had put into learning how to dance like that.

Now, before I continue, I need to put this statement out there, especially because I need to understand this better every day. God gives each and every one of us specific and unique gifts and talents. That's why some of us are baseball players and some of us are dancers. That's why some of us are bookworms and some of us are filmmakers. That's why some of us are artists and why some of us are professional public speakers. God has given YOU certain talents and gifts and God has given ME certain talents and gifts that most likely differ from yours.

So, the realization that I came to when I saw all these different people with awesome skills wasn't "How come I can't do exactly what they're doing?" but more like "Why don't I put more effort into learning skills like these people have?". Sure, I can learn how to use the tools that these professional guys were using to break down the stage, but does that mean that I am qualified to do their job for a living? Not really. I can learn how to drum and practice my skills on the guitar more, but will I be good enough to perform live in front of a crowd or as a professional musician? Maybe, maybe not, but I know that it won't be exactly the same style as the people I saw this weekend. Can I learn how to swing-dance at an adequate level? Yes, but all of my movements will look and feel different than others because of the way I'm built and the way I move.

The thing is, as I continue to take steps to become an adult man who can provide for himself and one day provide for a family, I am coming to the realization that there is always something that I can be learning to increase my skills and better utilize the gifts that I have been given. When I come to moments like this past weekend and I have to ask for help, I feel like I have not grown as a man as much as I should. However, I shouldn't have all the answers at this point and it's beautifully humbling to have moments where I realize what areas in my life I need to grow in.

I would like to leave you with this thought. Jesus Christ is The Man, the one that I follow and model my life after the most. Now, Jesus came down to this world humbly and became both all man and all God, so He most definitely had a plethora of skills and talents (healing the blind, deaf, lame, possessed, etc.). However, He called upon several men to be His disciples. The Apostles did not have a plethora of talents and skills (at least, none of which are recorded in the Gospels). Most of them were poorly educated fishermen who knew enough to make a living by catching and selling fish. There was also a tax collector among the Apostles, who knew how to take people's money. Yet, these men were the first ones called by Jesus to walk across the world and evangelize to the people. These men had enough skills to do this job, but also relied on Jesus' teachings and guidance in order to learn how to do the job better. Eventually, after Jesus ascended into Heaven, the Apostles were able to establish the beginnings of Christianity because of the skills and talents they were given and what they had learned from Jesus.

I too have to learn from Jesus. I too have to realize what my talents and skills are. I too have to go forth and evangelize and share the Gospel with the skills and knowledge I have right now and not always be focused on the talents of others or thinking "I can't do this until I am better at this or if I know that". Peter may have floundered in the sea waters because he struggled with faith in himself, but remember, he was also able to walk on top of the water when Jesus asked him to. He was able to take that step out of the boat and onto the water.

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